Character comedian Jane appears on the second Breakup Monologues podcast. Here’s her advice for the recently dumped…
Newly single is super scary. It’s raw, vulnerable, intense emotional and physical pain. My last break up felt like someone had ripped my skin off.
Sound familiar? Listen – things do get better, slowly, too slowly at times, but they do get better. Here are ten top tips that helped me through my last break up and will hopefully help you through your own shitty god-awful time. I could tell you what NOT to do, but let’s focus on what TO DO to make these coming months, days, hours, and seconds manageable.
1. Make your bed your own
The harsh truth is you now sleep alone. Wash those sheets and pillows. It’s time to freshen up that bed. If the break up was really bad then BURN the bed. Ok, maybe you can’t afford to burn it…this time.. but do buy brushed cotton pillowcases and get a cosy fleece blanket. Get to Dunelm Mill, baby. Yeah, that’s right – bring in the fucking fleece! Make your bed as comfortable as physically possible for yourself. The main positive here is that you now have a whole bed to yourself. A WHOLE BED! Sleep down the middle and starfish out that shit. It’s a luxury many people would gladly sell their right kidney for. If you still feel like the bed is haunted by the relationship – get an exorcism.
2. Buy a hot water bottle
Two relationships ago a close friend bought me a ‘breaking up’ present. A Russian doll hot water bottle. He said, “Here, you’re going to need this now you’re on your own.” Bit harsh. Luckily, I found the funny side of it because he was right. I needed it. Hot water bottles offer major comfort. Top tip: Use your hot water bottle with your new fleece blanket while you snuggle up in bed or on the sofa binging on Netflix.
3. Make use of your friends
In my last relationship, I didn’t spend as much time with my friends because I always spent time with my ex’s friends. *Massive red flag. When my relationship broke down my friends were like gold. Talk to your friends and when they ask you out for a cuppa say yes. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Top tip: Be nosey. Find out how other people got through their break ups. Often you’ll get a nugget of wisdom and realise you’re not alone. You will also learn that not all friends are in the perfect relationship they seem to be.
4. Fresh air, walk and exercise
You may not feel like it, but get fresh air. Go for a walk, cycle, or swim. Whatever floats your boat. Maybe you have a boat. Go boating. Try and do something to shake up all that negative energy and turn it into good energy. Walking and other exercise helps you get out any anger, tension and help cope with depression. Top tip: Do what you can no matter how small it seems.
5. Audiobooks and Podcasts
You don’t have to be alone with your thoughts. When you go on your walks, exercise or do stuff around the house listen to audiobooks and podcasts. In my last breakup I listened to loads of comedy audiobooks. Lena Dunham, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey kept me company for months as I walked up and down Brighton & Hove seafront crying and taking photos of the broken down West Pier which seemed to mirror my broken down soul. Those audiobooks helped me through the crappy days and made me look forward to going outside. Top tip:Invest in big ass headphones for better sound and to block out the world when you need to!
Certain smells are familiar and comforting. However, now is the time to mix it up. No reminders of that smelly ex. Treat yourself to delicious new shampoo/conditioner/shower gel and moisturisers. Make yourself smell fresh! Top tip: Buy that perfume you loved but your ex hated!
Eating regularly will help you immensely but for extra help take vitamins and probiotics everyday for your body and your brain. Top tip: My favourites are Cod liver oil, evening primrose, Floradix, Vitamin D and Magnesium.
Get enough sleep. Get as much sleep as you can to heal. Use earplugs and a night mask in your comfy ass new bed sheets. Top tip: Have a bath before bed to relax and use your new yummy smelling products.
9. Journal and Crafts
Write it all out. Write morning, evening and whenever you need to get through the day. Your journal is your bestfriend. Be creative. Draw and take photographs. Create. Top tip: Make a Voodoo doll so you know your ex is going through the same pain you are – if not worse.
Just cry. It’s good for you. Don’t be afraid of crying. Let it out. I’m convinced crying also gives you great skin. So many people said to me, “You may be sad, but your skin looks great!” Eventually the day will come where you don’t cry. Top tip: Get some soft tissues to cry in to.
Hopefully my top ten tips help you. Don’t go through a breakup alone. Seek professional help if you feel you’re struggling. Counselling is great and talk to your Doctor if you feel you need help with sleep or coping with depression.
My last break up felt like the end of the world especially as I was cheated on. It took a long time and all the tips above to get me on my feet. I’m now three years down the line and happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I’ve realised the relationship was a million miles away from being perfect. Sometimes these bad experiences have to happen so you get to a better place in your life even if you don’t feel like it now. Trust me. Now, do you need help burning that bed?